


i wish i could be what you need

by DaughterofVardaandManwe



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-12 18:54:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19951165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaughterofVardaandManwe/pseuds/DaughterofVardaandManwe
Summary: a short angst pieceGenji gets mad at you,and you listen to rex orange untitled on repeat as you lay on the grass and weep.





	i wish i could be what you need

‘3…2…1…NOW!”

You leapt out from where you had been hiding, and unleashed your ultimate onto the enemies in front of you. They hadn’t seen you coming, and suddenly you were in their midst, taking down three enemies before leaping back out to the backline. In the meantime, however, the enemy had managed to kill your mercy and lucio, and without their healing it was harder for the team to continue forwards. Your heart sank, and you saw everybody else, brows furrowed, sweat dripping down their faces, battered and bruised, continuing to fight in overtime to get the payload to the golden rectangle. And through cumulative efforts, you all just barely made it, finishing the push as the respawns rounded the corner. B

ut it was barely, so barely done that there was only one person left to finish the push, which was obviously Genij, and he himself had only half his health. And thus it was only by the skin of your team’s collective teeth that you prevailed over the enemy on that mission.

The team returned to the hotel at which they were staying. There was no celebration that night. Everybody was much too tired. However, something wasn’t right. You realized Genji was angry with you, and you realized that you might as well just get it over with and let him lay into you. Genji, the soul of the team, the man you were in love with, was rather agitated tonight.

You went outside for some fresh air, feeling tense, and already you could feel your stomach clenching into knots.

And there he was, behind you. You felt his presence even though no words were exchanged and not a sound echoed in the still gardens of the hotel. You turned, and stood looking towards him.

“We almost lost that mission.” Genji began.

“We made it though,” you said and smiled a small smile.

“That’s not the point. I told you to stay near the backline for flankers.” Genji said, his voice rising slightly.

“I know, I just wanted to use my ultimate and get a few kills real quick!” You protested.

“It-IT DOESN’T MATTER!” Genji finally raised his voice. “I told you to watch our healers, and you go off in the frontline deciding to ult right into the enemy team! They killed both our healers while you were doing your gymnastics over there, and that almost cost us the mission! Taking risks like that, especially in such a dangerous situation—you know better, don’t you?!”

You felt tears well up in your one unbandaged eye, and you said softly, “I’m sorry. Our backline was doing fine, so I thought—”

“It’s not ‘I thought’, it’s sticking to your position!” Genji said exasperatedly. “I can’t believe I have to tell you this. Just know YOU almost cost us the whole mission, all the efforts of the hq and the team, and everybody else….do you even care?” He paused, turned abruptly, and began to walk away.

“Look, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. Please don’t be angry,” you said softly, and walked after him, grasping his arm gently. “…Genji?” But Genji only pulled his arm from your grasp, firmly, and kept walking away.

And you were left in the gardens, alone, as the cool night breeze turned cold and unforgiving, and the warm night suddenly began to consume you as it turned dark and ever silent. You sat down on a bench and wept, your poor little heart broken into two, your kind little form quivering in the night. You hadn’t meant to cause such harm, but Genji was right. You had almost cost the team the mission. But why was he so cold? Why must he have been so cold to you, when only the day before he had whispered to you how excited he was to go on a mission with you. You came to the hotel once more, and as you walked down the hallway you saw, through an ajar door, Genji talking to Dr. Angela Ziegler. The mercy of the team, the saving grace of healers worldwide. They spoke in low voices, and you sadly turned to go to your room. And you lay in bed, weeping, weeping until the tears no longer fell from your eyes to slide down your fair cheeks.

The next day, everyone had almost been healed fully due to Dr. Ziegler’s miraculous technology, and had been ordered to take a day off at the festival which was happening in the town below in honor of the summer solstice. Winston and Tracer had already left to go sample the dishes with Mercy. D.va had gone to buy some replacement parts for her mech. You slept on, having stayed much of the night up. You woke up to hear soft pattering footsteps outside your door, but realizing it was Genji, you kept pretending to sleep.

The sound a phone ringtone pierced the silence.

“Hello?” Genji’s soft voice came through, albeit muffled, the door.

“Come! Quit worrying about _____, she’ll be up eventually. The dumplings are A-MAZING!” Tracer’s voice zipped through the microphone.

“…Sure, I’ll go.” Genji said after a moment, but his footsteps were hesitant and unwilling as his hand drew back from your doorknob. They faded away down the hall.

You gently slid out of bed, but your throat was still raw, and your eyes were still slightly puffy. You washed up, the bandages gone from your body, and got dressed up all pretty, doing your makeup all nice. You twirled in the mirror, but you felt so empty. Your eyes were vacant and hollow, reflecting your emotions. You gently took the charm Genji had bought you—he had the same one, and had bought you one as well. It was a little green stuffed dragon, round and plushy. You slowly walked out of the hotel, and disappeared into the crowd to distract your mind. The people melted around you, and while walking around you saw a blue light emitting from a small area in the back of a building. You slowly walked towards it, and entered into a small, dinghy room nevertheless packed with people. In the center was a stage, upon which a man was strumming his guitar and singing the blues. You felt peaceful, and so sat in the corner. You opened your fist, in which lay the small green dragon, and you began to turn it over and over as you thought sadly about Genji. You were still broken, but no tears fell from your face as you felt purely empty. Slowly, around an around, the dragon turned in the grasp of your gentle fingertips.

From your pocket your phone vibrated.

It was Genji.

You just sat and watched it vibrate, until it died down.

He called again.

You just sat there, not even paying attention anymore

. And you continued to sit for another hour or so, when out of the corner of your eye you saw a flash of green.

_I make enough mistakes_

_And it feels like she's the only one that hears the things I say_

_So if for any reason there's some miscommunication or I'm lying to her face_

_My immaturity and habits gettin' in the way_

_'Cause I can barely breathe and I don't know how I'll explain myself this time_

_Wish it wasn't a case of "this time"_

_But why can't I be any other boy_

_That doesn't need a hand in love?_

_Someone that I would trust_

_But how did I fail_

_To give you all the love that you deserve?_

_When you're the only thing that's worth_

_What life is worth_

_And I don't mind if you hate me_

_'Cause baby if I were you_

_I would probably hate me too_

_I said that I don't mind if you hate me_

_'Cause baby if I were you_

_I would probably hate me too._

The song ended.

And you turned, turned in perfect time to the man who stood in the doorway, the man whose panicked and searching gaze locked onto you, before glancing at the little dragon in your hand. He looked at you once more, but you were already out of your seat, and glancing one last time behind you, you bolted out of the back door and once more into the street.

You ran and ran, away from Genji, away from the festival, and slowly you climbed up to the top of a hill under a great sakura tree overlooking the festival. And there you collapsed onto the soft grass. As if replenished, tears slowly began to roll down your face.

You began to quietly whisper to nobody in particular. “I wish…I wish I could be what you need. But I’m just me. Sometimes I do dumb things… And I know it’s bad. I just wish I… No—I wish…I wish I didn’t know how to love. I wish I never met you, and I wish I didn’t care. Maybe all I needed to be was a medic…. Maybe then I could be loved too. Oh, why must I suffer so?” You reached for the stars, yet they seemed cold and unforgiving. You knelt in the soft grass and began to dry your eyes on your kimono. “Ahhh…I should really go find the others.” You sighed, and yet your feet would not move. So you just sat there under the tree, with lidded eyes and feeling a melancholy peace.

And you turned the green dragon over one last time, before slowly letting it down onto the ground under the tree.

“______!” Suddenly, the silence was pierced by Genji’s exclamation as he leapt down from a nearby roof onto the grass.

“O-Oh, h-hi.” You said, looking down to the side.

Genji’s face studied yours carefully, as he came slowly. “I’m sorry.”

“Haha…n-no, what are you talking about, it was my fault it makes sense—” you said, backing away quickly and still refusing to look at him, before peeking up at him.

“It’s my fault. I had no reason to single you out and blame everything on you.” Genji said. “I’m sorry for yesterday…you didn’t deserve it.”

“I-it’s okay, really!” You said, laughing a laugh that was horribly mirthless. “I—” Just then, you tripped whilst backing away; you turned but before you knew it, genji had caught you. You blinked, then attempted to push him away which didn’t work.

“I’m sorry, please forgive me.” Genji’s voice broke slightly as he held you tightly, and you felt his tears fall onto your face.

You gently, ever so gently, cradled his face in your hands, and looked down at his face as you began to untangle yourself. You were weeping now as well, and yet you smiled at him and said, “I am not what you need, Genji. I cannot give you anything which somebody else cannot.” And you slowly let your hands fall from his weeping face as you stood slowly. “I have only ever given you headaches, and I should think I will only continue to do so. I have only given you problems. To be your teammate is already an honor I don’t deserve.”

“No, it’s not…you’ve given me everything!” Genji said, as he grasped your arm. His voice softened. “You are my everything…you are the person I am in love with, and I’m sorry for hurting you. If you don’t love me anymore I have nothing…”

Your eyes wide, you looked up at him, and then sadly said, “I find that difficult to believe; how can you say that to me? I watched you walk away from me. Don't pretend like you care!”

“I don’t care if you don’t believe me,” Genji said, and he pulled you into his arms. “I am in love with you.”

You stood silently, then quietly said, “How can you even talk to me? I don't even want to look at you.”

“Because I'm selfish." Genji said, and cradled you in his arms, rocking slightly, and slowly you buried your face in his chest and gripped his clothing unwillingly.

He drew back, and saw your sad face, hesitated for a moment, brows furrowing, and gently brought his lips to yours. Your eyes went wide, then closed gently.

Was this a dream?

It had to be a dream…but then Genji drew back, his eyes searching yours, and seeming satisfied he kissed you again, firmer this time, longer and more lingering, and then you realized it was not a dream; it was real.

You suddenly felt a wave of desperation come over you, and your fingers clutched his soft, slicked back hair as a tear fell down your face.

“What’s wrong?” Genji began to panic slightly, drawing away and searching your face again.

“You idiot!” You cried, and hugged him tightly.

You felt Genji sigh in relief, as he wrapped his arms around you and kissed you again and again, softly and gently.

It was then that you knew that the fairytales were real; you forgave him then, at last, and from then on you became lovers for ever.


End file.
